The Lord of the Rings... by someone else?

"What if LotR had been written by someone else?", a great read from the Straight Dope messageboards. Excerpts:

Dr. Suess's FOTR:. "Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring! I am too small to carry this thing!" "I can not, will not hold the One. You have a slim chance, but I have none. I will not take it on a boat, I will not take it across a moat. I cannot take it under Moria, that's one thing I can't do for ya. I would not bring it into Mordor, I would not make it to the border."

LotR by George Orwell: "I cannot read the fiery writing," said Frodo. "There are few who can," replied Gandalf. "It is the language of Mordor, which I will not speak here. Translated into the common tongue, it reads: 'All rings of power are equal, But some rings of power are more equal than others.'"

Merry Poppins, P.L. Travers & Walt Disney: o/` Wraith-wraithery, wraith-wraithery, wraith-wraith-eree, A Nazgul's as nasty as nasty can be. Wraith-wraithery, wraith-wraithery, wraith-wraith-eroo, your luck will run out when I'm looking for you. So give me the Ring, or you're Nazgul, too! o/` o/` Just a spoonful of lembas helps the athelas go down, the athelas go down, the athelas go down. Just a spoonful of lembas helps the athelas go down in a most delightful way. o/` o/` Feed the orcs, tuppence a bag, tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag. o/` o/` Oooh...taurelilomeatumbalemornatumbaletaurealomeanor, if you say it too slow then you won't make it to dinner. Unless you've got some time on hand don't say I didn't warn ya. taurelilomeatumbalemornatumbaletaurealomeanor. o/`